Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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