Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
