So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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