currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
