So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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