I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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