I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
