Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
