1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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