He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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