I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize