God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
