Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
