I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
