I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
