I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
