oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
