she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
do herpes really smell.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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