Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
