Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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