Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
