My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
