life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Shame - the story of my life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
