im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
