My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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