in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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