Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
