"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
