AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
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The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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