Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
