sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
