then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
