I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
