well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
