That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
