You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
