Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
