I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
