thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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