I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
