Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
