You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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