You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
