It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
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Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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