My first STD was from a foam party
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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