This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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