That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
