Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
