Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
