I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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