Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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