So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
