NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
