New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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