he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm getting married
To pizza
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
