Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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