Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
