If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize