We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
