I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dicks are not precious.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
