ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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