So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
