it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
