just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
