we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
