I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
