Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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