Dude my mom stole all your condoms
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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