fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
