i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
