i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
