I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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