The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
