I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
