I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
