I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
birth control should be required to get into college
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
