If that was your dad, he is hot
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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