pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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