Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
