we're chasing vodka with high fives
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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