Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
