just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
