i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
