And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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