It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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